Aug 04, 2012
What the Fudge!?! Pageant Crack!?!
By Mama B. LeDish
Before I begin, I need to admit I have never watched an entire episode of any of the toddler pageant shows on TV. I’ve caught snippets here and there, but recently I got sucked into the last fifteen minutes of one and let me tell you what – I was dumbfounded.
Here is a brief list of lessons I learned in those fifteen minutes:
- Pixie sticks are no longer innocent bits of sugar……they are now “pageant crack” used to hype up contestants before they take the stage.
- Red Bull is not a beverage adults use to keep their eyeballs open….. it is “go-go” juice used to rev up toddlers if their stage time conflicts with their nap time.
- Sequined daisy dukes? Not just for the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders. Pageant moms can find these in size 2T.
- Move over Jersey Shore cast….these pint size polly pockets are spray tanning at age three!
- If all you want for Christmas is your two front teeth, step away from the crown! Mothers are splashing out hundreds of dollars for false front teeth to impress the judges.
- The “Hokey Pokey” is not what its all about. During the “talent” portion these children are hip shaking forces to be reckoned with. Mature music choices aside, I found I was more terrified of a six year old wielding a Louisville Slugger as a ”prop” for her rendition of “Before He Cheats” than I would be if Carrie Underwood herself was coming at me.
- Ummmmm…has anyone else noticed the prize money never seems to equal what the parent shelled out for the actual competition?
- Within the crowd of admiring family members lurked a few misplaced, middle aged dudes watching the pageant. Freaky-meter went off immediately!
But what really did put a tear in my eye, was when a two year old little girl leaned into her mom said ”I have a secret”. Her Mom said “What is it honey?” and the little girl leaned in real close to her mom’s face and whispered “I hate you.” CLICK. That was enough for me. Are the glitzy gowns, bikinis, pixie sticks, and Red Bull for the children or the adults? I hope there are more to these pageants than reality television presents, but I found it hard to stomach.
NOTE: The opinions expressed by the bloggers on Mama LeDish are theirs alone and do not represent the opinions of Fifi Delish Holding or its subsidiaries, affiliates, sponsors. We do not claim to be experts who have all the answers, we’re just sorting through these issues just like everyone else. Fifi Delish Holding and its subsidiaries are not responsible for the accuracy of any of the information supplied by the bloggers or the content we share from the web.
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