Aug 04, 2012
What the Fudge!?! Pageant Crack!?!
- Pixie sticks are no longer innocent bits of sugar……they are now “pageant crack” used to hype up contestants before they take the stage.
- Red Bull is not a beverage adults use to keep their eyeballs open….. it is “go-go” juice used to rev up toddlers if their stage time conflicts with their nap time.
- Sequined daisy dukes? Not just for the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders. Pageant moms can find these in size 2T.
- Move over Jersey Shore cast….these pint size polly pockets are spray tanning at age three!
- If all you want for Christmas is your two front teeth, step away from the crown! Mothers are splashing out hundreds of dollars for false front teeth to impress the judges.
- The “Hokey Pokey” is not what its all about. During the “talent” portion these children are hip shaking forces to be reckoned with. Mature music choices aside, I found I was more terrified of a six year old wielding a Louisville Slugger as a ”prop” for her rendition of “Before He Cheats” than I would be if Carrie Underwood herself was coming at me.
- Ummmmm…has anyone else noticed the prize money never seems to equal what the parent shelled out for the actual competition?
- Within the crowd of admiring family members lurked a few misplaced, middle aged dudes watching the pageant. Freaky-meter went off immediately!
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